changes over the past year.

I can't believe its been over a year since I have posted on this blog, and I can't believe how much my life has changed within that year.

Over the past year, I have started and graduated blindness training, have worked with Project STRIVE, have moved a few times, gotten an internship, and have become an auntie to the most beautiful baby girl. Now, as I am getting ready to start my sophomore year at Utah Valley University after taking a year off school to begin a different kind of school, I can't even begin to explain the changes within myself that I feel. Everything that has happened within this year has changed my life in ways I could have never seen possible.

In a quote I've seen this past week "Making a big life change is pretty scary. But, know what is scarier? Regret." At this time last year, I thought I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and if I could go back in time and talk to myself back then, I would tell myself that in spite of how hard it was, or all of the tears that went into it, that where I am now makes training the best decision of my life.

Fall semester starts next monday, and even though I'm anxious and nervous for it to begin, I'm ready! I'm ready to put my training to the test, and keep working towards my future!

Nothing Is Going To Stop Me...Demolition Derby!!!

"Blind people can't drive."

Something that honestly has been something hard for me to come to grips with. I want to be able to do everything that a "normal" person can do, and having something so huge I can't do it actually hard. 

After being able to drive for over a year and what feels like suddenly having that taken from you is hard. I fought like hell to get that license to begin with, so it almost feels like a slap in the face. BUT I  also know that I had an opportunity given to me that most people with a visual impairment never get a chance to do. 

I needed one last shebang before I gave up on the dream of driving again altogether. I had to do the demolition derby again...

I did the demolition derby the year before I started losing a ton of my vision, and had a blast even though I got out as one of the first cars. I have wanted to do it every year since. It really is an adrenaline rush!! So as this years Demolition Derby approached, I called my dad to see if we were building a car to put in for his company. I told him that if the car survived, I was powder puffing it. At that time, I didn't put much thought into it, I just put dibs on the car beforehand. 

After this summer and everything I have done through NFB, the idea just sparked in my head. It took off like a wildfire. I needed to do it. I needed to prove the world wrong, and that even though I had a disability, it was not about to slow me down from doing everything and anything I wanted to do, even if that thing was to go out with a crazy idea to crash a car in an arena full of dirt and other cars. 

The week of the 24th, I called my dad multiple times to make sure I had all of the stuff I needed to do it. I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't be able to due to us having a main heat driver, but I had already set my head and my heart into doing it. I was going to be literally crushed if I couldn't. 

The car was build, the driver was ready, but it wasn't looking promising for me to be able to do it. Our main heat driver Ted had gotten out, and it didn't look like the car would be driving out of that arena. My extended family said sorry, but I had that hope it may work still, I wasn't ready to give up on this dream. 

"Unfortunately, there are electrical issues." My dad told me. I started crying, no joke. I walked away. It didn't look like I was going to be able to do it. "The car drives backwards." At first, I had just given up on the idea. I was mad, I said it was fine and went and sat back down, But after sitting for probably 30 seconds, this wildfire burning in my head just would not let this idea go. I told my dad I would compete backwards.

Our driver told me he was doing everything he could to get it going again, and I started crying. In my heart, I knew it was basically this year or no year. I knew that this year I still trusted my eyes enough to do this, but I'm really not sure where my eyes will be next year because they were different that last year, that I knew if I wanted to do this somewhat safely it would have to be now. 

"Hold my earrings, I'm going in." I took off all my jewelry and headed down to the gate. I hung out down there for a while until I had the paperwork filled out so I could go out to the pits. 

I keep referring to this wildfire burning in my head, but thats the only way to explain it. This idea to show the world I can do whatever I want even though I'm Legally blind. I got to my car, and after getting in (Note to world: don't wear skinny high waisted jeans to derby.) getting my helmet and neck brace on, I was informed they were able to get one forward gear going. I had a chance! 

I somehow passed the seatbelt check (my seatbelt was so messed up beforehand and I was just getting it working as I was literally driving out.) and was in the arena. I said a little prayer and all I could think was oh my god! 

The announcer said go and I was out! After my first hit, my seatbelt came undone! HOLY HECK! THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE GOOD! I wasn't going to pull my flag because of a seatbelt issue! I kept going. 

I did only get to make 3 hits and take a couple hits before my transmission finished dying out, but I wasn't the first car out! I was about the 3rd or 4th!! I was sad though that I got out like that! my car still started, but I couldn't get it to go forward or backwards! ugh!!

At the end, the announcer was informed by I believe my little brother that I was legally blind. He announced it to the audience. I secretly hope someone heard me scream in an arena "I don't need eyes to drive a car." 

I didn't win. I didn't even get third. But I had the chance to drive one last time. Its been two years since I've gotten behind the wheel of a car, and it felt so right being back, almost as if for those 10 minutes, I was normal. Behind that helmet and that big hunk of metal, I was just like everyone else after that same thing. That chance to win. And I was able to prove my point, that I can do whatever I want and my disability isn't about to stop me from living my dreams.

I don't know if there will be a "next time." Maybe my eyes are stable now and my eyes will be the same next year as they are now, or maybe in a years time, I won't have anything left. The not knowing is the hardest thing on me. I knew in my heart though that this may have been my last chance to do this. (although if I go completely blind, I'm so doing it!!) 

I have some pretty lovely bruises from not wearing a seatbelt the rest of the time, and I was pretty sore yesterday. My knee was swollen, but I know it was for a good cause. One day when there is a car that blind people can drive, I will know that this was only for a moment to prove to the world! 

Nothing is going to stand in my way! 

But oh my goodness, I already want to do this again next year!!!

These Last Few Weeks: BELL and NFB Convention.

Oh boy, where to begin! These last few weeks have been filled with some of the most crazy, scary, and fun moments I will hold onto for a lifetime!

I guess I'll start with working the BELL program!
This was my second year as a Junior Mentor for the NFB BELL Program. I spent two weeks having a blast with friends, experiencing a ton of "firsts" in my life, and watching some of the worlds cutest's kids grow in their Braille and blindness skills. Although this was my second year of the BELL Program, this year will stick out in my mind forever. I'm so proud I was able to be apart of the BELL team for two years so far!

NFB National Convention!
Back in May, I was selected to go to Orlando with Project STRIVE to attend the National convention. At first I was so excited, but that excitement quickly turned into fear as Convention approached.
The trip was the mixture of crazy, scary, and amazing all mixed into one week. I'm not going to sugar coat it, I was completely overwhelmed by how big the hotel was when we got there. It was already so late, and there were already so many people there. I wanted to cry! How was I going to meet anyone? How would I find my way around? What was I going to do?! I went to my room on the 13th floor, which already was by far the highest I'd ever gone in a hotel, found my room, and just laid in my hotel bed thinking "what have a gotten myself into?"
My mind was in so many places on this trip. I had so many decisions to still make about my life. I didn't know what to do. As I lose vision, I knew months ago I absolutely needed my training to become successful, but I also knew that there was so much mentally holding me back from knowing what to do. I didn't feel as I even belonged. I felt lost between sighted and blind. I just broke down completely one night. I couldn't stop crying. I'd look at my phone and cry, look out the window and cry, no matter what I did, all I could do was cry. I was confused, scared, lost, and everything was too overwhelming. As I FaceTimed my Friend on the bathroom floor of a hotel room, tears streaming down my face, I finally broke. The emotions I had tried to hide came out. The emotions I hid from them came out in bundles. This trip was making me open a new chapter in the big book of Chelsea's life, and frankly, I was scared to open the chapter of my life. In a moment, I posted on Facebook. I explained how I felt, and laid down and cried over half of the night.
I was having a hard time taking on this adventure. It was more than I thought it was going to be, but with the amazing support of the people we have here in Utah (even past Utahans!) I couldn't have made it through without our whole amazing group of people! (May I just say, our Utah group surely made me proud to be from Utah!)
As the convention came to an end, all we had left was our banquet. It was our chance to get all prettied up and have our last hurrah! We had our change to listen to our president one last time, and see out scholarship winners announced. Deja being as awesome as she is had previously promised Maddy and I that if she got the top scholarship, she would jump in the pool in our banquet dresses with us. When Deja won the top, the next stop after banquet was out to the pool. We had so many people ready to take pictures of us crazy Utah girls jump! We held hands, and jumped at the same time. It brought the best end to the craziness of convention. (That will forever be my favorite memory of convention!) Thanks Deja!
As we said goodbye to the friend we grew to love, we cried as we hugged at hotel room doors and parted ways. I have always hated goodbyes, and not knowing the next time you would see them hurt my heart, but its a comforting feeling knowing you will get to see them again one day. Saying goodbye to others you already knew was even harder, knowing that it'll be a while before you see them.
Monday as we packed up and left the hotel, I couldn't help but feel grateful. Grateful for the opportunity that Utah had just given me. Grateful for the opportunity that Project STRIVE had just given me. My eyes had been opened to the world that at first I didn't feel apart of. I finally felt as though I belonged somewhere. I belonged in the NFB, I found a part of my world I didn't know was missing. NFB opened my eyes to a world that stands for what matters to me, one that makes my blindness perfectly fine, and one where I feel normal. NFB isn't just an organization, NFB is a federation family, a family I am proud to be apart of. I found the hope of a normal future.
LETS GO BUILD A FEDERATION! 75 IN 75!!!

These past few weeks have been a bit of crazy mixed into a world of amazing. I am so beyond grateful for every opportunity I have been given so far in my life. As I tackle this next adventure in my life, I will look back at how much these weeks have made me grow as a person! 

BELL, Nationals, and second thoughts?!

My life is about to change some,  and I'm not sure how I feel about what's coming up.. So I guess here goes nothing,

So first I have two amazing things coming up this summer!

1. BELL Program! I'm so ecstatic to be back there! The BELL is more than just a summer job to me, I love kids and working with kids so much, and to be able to work with visually impaired kids again on such an important skill to have is so great. I literally cried when I got the call about being there again! 

Braille Camp Junior Mentor!

2. National NFB Convention in Orlando! Me and one of my best friends were accepted to go as part of Project STRIVE! I'm so excited! Project STRIVE has saved me in so many ways, and to be attending my second huge thing with them makes me feel like I really am important and like I can conquer this world! I love STRIVE!

I feel so blessed to have those amazing chances heading my way in just a months time! But there is something I am not so excited about...second thoughts on my decision I have made on training..

As of right now I'm scheduled to move into the dorms on July 14, and start classes on the 15th, but I'm not so sure I'm doing the right thing...

After praying multiple times on this, I just don't think I'm doing the best thing...it's a weird feeling...

So for one, I'm literally taking a whole year off school! That scares me! I'm supposed to be in school, not doing training! Ugh!!

Another thing is I literally know EVERYBODY at this training program...that's not the best thing at all...but I can't just up and leave Utah...I don't want to miss the first year of my Niece/nephew's life! That's a year I can't get back! 

And I'm just not ready to face my blindness...simple as that...

I know everything will work out in the end, but I'm not sure I'm doing what's best anymore..

Why are decisions so hard to make!

In the eyes of an Albino (video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrqdFKs2Hzw

for those who have wondered how I see, this video shows it pretty well. Although it is only a video and you aren't truly looking through my eyes, its close.

It didn't tough on:
1. Light sensitivity; tree is no possible way to show light sensitivity.
2. My color issues; I'm not sure if it deals with albinism at all.
3.  Periphreal vision; I've lost all of my peripheral vision.
4. Night blindness.

Like I said, for a video, its pretty accurate, and although it is sort of long, I recommend watching it!!

The Importance of Braille

When I was young,  I was given the chance to learn braille. After about 5 years of learning it, they quit teaching me. Maybe it was because I still had vision? Maybe it was because my vision was stable? Or maybe it was because I had other things I needed help with and braille no longer was one of them? I don't know why they quit teaching me braille, but they did.

My vision stayed relatively stable for years, only bouncing around a little bit, heck I was even able to get a drivers license when I was 16, so why would I need braille? Why is this even an issue? Well, it became an issue to me when I was 17..

My vision is going away now...I no longer have that drivers license I got when I was 16. I have no peripheral vision anymore..my acuity is past the legally blind mark (20/200), and I can no longer see the big "E" on the eye chart. I have a hard time seeing colors, my eyes go through these phases of burning, and at random times, I will see nothing but spots in my right eye. You see, I have Albinism...HPS albinism to be exact, and with it, I shouldn't loose my vision, but I am...and they don't know why.

Now I see the importance of braille. I wish I knew the importance of braille back in sixth grade when they quit teaching me it, maybe I would have fought harder to keep it.

I have gone and tried to reteach myself. I remember up to dot5's, my alphabet,  a few contractions, and numbers. Knowing those won't get me far, I want the whole code!

I wish I had my whole code, I feel that it would help me so much in school! I WILL learn my code though!

I took braille for granted when I was learning it. I never thought it would be as important as it really is, and I never want to see a child quit learning this valuable skill.  I didn't think I would loose my sight, and I don't want to see another child struggle with school after they quit learning!

Even though you have some vision, you never know what will happen in the future. I went from having 20/70 vision, to where I am now, and its only been about 2 years!

Don't give up, you won't regret learning this!!

Changes Are Coming...

Right now I am a freshman at UVU studying Behavioral Science, but that is about to change…. 

I started school dead set on finishing school in 4 years no matter what it took, and that meant not taking any time off to work, do training, or anything else…even if that was not what was best for me..

Well, now I know what is best for me, and right now what is best for me is taking a year off of school and taking on a training program instead…

Blindness training is the best option for me right now as I continue to loose my vision. I need to learn the rest of my braille, my cane travel, and technology! If I want to be successful not only in college, but in the rest of my life, then I know I need training…even if it is hard to accept right now

After this semester, I will leave UVU and Orem behind, and I will move to the Salt Lake DSBVI and start my training. The exact start date hasn't been set yet, as there are things in my life that have to play out before I start. I will either be starting in June or August!

This new adventure will be challenging, and as scared as I am to start, I know it is for the best and I am looking forward to the change.

So what does this mean for school? I'm only taking a year off! I WILL FINISH SCHOOL, I WILL HAVE A CAREER, AND I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL! This is just a bump in the road of becoming independent.

So now you all know what the next chapter of my life will consist of, and as scared as I am, I am also excited! I am staying in Utah because I know everyone here, and although that can be both good and bad, I need to stay here for right now.

Independence HERE I COME!! <3<3